Break-ups are never easy. If you've been dating a week, six months or longer. Guarding your heart is even more difficult. Although naturally as humans we form bonds with other people, significant others whom we think and see a future with.
In my case, I have formed a bond with the same person, twice. My best judgement aside, I trusted what I thought, was the Lord speaking to me and showing me. How is one to really know at times. Especially, when the flesh could be interjecting certain thoughts, ideas, emotions (as the flesh) and think to be seeing/experiencing the same as God's true will for one's life.
I'm sure there is a difference. After our second break up with the almost exact same words. I don't think I can go back. I went for what I felt the Lord telling me was his will, and I've been hurt yet again. I know there are a lot of other evident factors that won't be mentioned, but in the end those factors have caused a decision to be made, whether right or wrong. A decision that when the other party, finally figures out that they don't feel the same, that usually will seem to cause the other party more perceived loss.
I'm more than sure that the Lord has my betterment in mind. He is a father who loves me. A father who will be relentless in protecting me. A father who will discipline me because he again, sees clearly where I am not to go. I know that my steps are ordered. I know that he is my rock and my fortress. Jesus' blood never fails me. His blood is perfect without blemish, without spot, pure and holy. I am covered in it. I had yet for another six months completely put him aside. I have completely neglected the very reason for my existence, the reason for my life. Which is to with every fiber of my being to serve him, keep him first and foremost in my life. Jesus is Lord of my life. I am so blessed and in awe that I can come to him, and he still sees me for who I am and knows there are areas in my life that need to grow, he doesn't give up on me. I know as humans we are ready to give up after the second time. I am guilty of this.
I am with a choked throat saying and declaring that I am over this, I am moving on and there is no turning back. We do have to walk out the consequences of our decisions. Even though this one was decided for me, I have to keep walking moving past and beyond from it. Not going around somewhere else and returning to it. NO matter what Lord, whatever you have for my life I want to uphold it. I want to protect it. I was to seek it out for your glory. Whether I marry or not, I'm sure that you are still faithful, I know I will gain victory if I go after you time and time again. My victory awaits me as i consistently and without failing seek you Jesus. Seek your face have you be the comfort of my life all of the time!
I can no longer compromise. I can no longer compromise. Time and time again, I move and walk away from what the Lord is wanting me to do sitting still and being silent. There is no other way. I don't want to feel lonely anymore, Holy Spirit, you are always with me. There is no doubt about it. You are always with me. Loving me, showing me where I need to go. Being true to me when others aren't. You will honestly not betray me.
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